My Wife Has Gambling Problem

Obviously, not everyone who gambles has a problem. Many people enjoy gambling as a social activity without it threatening their financial security or family relationships. Nonetheless, gambling can lead to addiction and serious consequences for those who can’t control the impulse. With as many as 3-5 out of every 100 gamblers, and as many as 750,000 young people ages 14-21 having a gambling addition, gambling can be compared to handling fire — it can either be used to your advantage, or seriously hurt you.

How can you tell when someone you love is developing a gambling problem? At what point does it become an addiction? These are questions you may be afraid to contemplate, but recognizing and admitting are the first steps to helping your spouse overcome a gambling problem and avoid further devastating consequences.

Beyond Blue Support Service. A gambling addiction or problem is often associated with other behavior or mood disorders. Many problem gamblers also suffer with substance abuse issues, unmanaged ADHD, stress, depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder. To overcome your gambling problems, you’ll also need to address these and any other underlying causes as well.

A Gambling Problem: Recognizing the Signs

A gambling problem is defined as behavior that disrupts life, even if it’s not out of control. The reasons for excessive gambling vary, but many people use it to alleviate stress or feelings of incompetency. The following signs may indicate your spouse has a gambling problem:

• Increasing preoccupation with gambling that consumes excessive time and money
• Feeling the need to try to recap losses instead of calling it quits
• Gambling that has a negative effect on mood, behavior, relationships, and financial stability

Basically, there may have a problem if you’re worried about your spouse’s behavior. Once recognized, it’s important to calmly confront your spouse and discuss how to handle it together. Extreme responses of ignoring/passively enabling the problem, or issuing ultimatums are not effective because they will allow it to escalate. The confrontations can also make your spouse feel attacked and defensive, which could lead to covert gambling.

Ideally, gambling problems can be resolved without outside help. It’s important to pinpoint your spouse’s reasons for gambling and create a game plan for addressing their underlying motivations and trigger points.

1. Last April, Kirsten didn't come home from work until 4 a.m. Which made Brandon realize she was still gambling after she promised she would stop.
2. Pathological gambling can destroy marriages – and if your soon-to-be ex has a gambling addiction, you know it can be extremely difficult to deal with. When you’re divorcing someone with a gambling problem, you face big challenges. You may even wonder whether your partner really has a gambling addiction or is just reckless and irresponsible.
3. If you or someone you love has a gambling problem, an effort to stop gambling should start as soon as possible. A severe gambling problem is usually progressive, and can become worse over time if not stopped. Slots gambling addiction, pokies, video lottery terminals (VLTs), and other forms of gambling are usually the worst forms of gambling.

The Defining Line of Addiction: Loss of Control

There is a fine but distinct line between a gambling problem and a gambling addiction, but it can be summed up in this phrase: loss of control. Someone with a gambling problem may be on the path to an addiction, but they are still able to maintain some sense of control. In the case of an addition, the impulse to gamble calls the shots. Here are the major signs.

• Obsession with gambling. Gambling becomes so important and all-consuming that it takes priority over financial stability, relationships, and physical well-being.
• Inability to stop. As with other addictions, your spouse may recognize they have a problem and even try to rein it in, but are unable to control it on their own.
• Psychological withdrawal. When addicts aren’t able to gamble, they’re likely to become restless, irritable, and otherwise disturbed.
• Secretive, dishonest, or illegal behavior. As a gambling addict’s finances get worse, they may resort to desperate measures to continue their behavior without detection or immediate consequences.
• Denial. Addicts often have difficulty admitting they have a serious problem. The illusion of control is what continues to twist their minds into rationalizing their behavior.

Your spouse might have a diagnosable compulsive gambling disorder if these signs describe him or her, and it may be time to seek outside help through group therapy sessions or individual counseling. Gambling can be a fun pastime, or it can be a serious problem too. It’s important to recognize the difference between a hobby, a problem, and an addition, and respond in a way that protects your relational and financial health.

I Think My Wife Has A Gambling Problem

Gambling is often described as ‘the hidden addiction’. Unlike substance misuse or sex addiction, it can be much easier to hide the signs of problem gambling from other people. This is particularly true now online gambling is so widely accessible and popular.

But the effects of gambling addiction on a relationship can be devastating. It can destroy the sense of trust between partners often as a consequence of the secrecy or lies surrounding the addiction as much as the addiction itself. It can also ruin families financially.

It’s estimated there are around 450,000 problems gamblers in the UK. And anecdotal evidence suggests that every problem gambler impacts 5 to 12 other people.

What are the signs your partner is a gambler?

Many people whose partners have gambling addictions often report initially thinking their partner was having an affair as the signs are so similar. They include:

My Wife Has A Gambling Problem

• Spending lots of time away. Do they often spend a lot of time away from the house and are vague about why? Some problem gamblers also get up very early in order to play before their partner or family are awake.
• Secretive around finances. Does your partner become cagey or defensive on the topic of money? Have they taken steps to conceal bank statements?
• Money going out of account without explanation. Obviously, it’s not always possible to hide it if you are spending large amounts of cash. Have you noticed unexplained deductions from your accounts?
• Secretive around internet use. Most gambling addictions are carried out online. Does your partner habitually delete their internet history or are they vague and evasive if questioned on their use of the internet?
• Emotional highs and lows. Do they seem extremely excitable and positive some times but then very low, upset or even angry with others?
• A change in behavior over time. You may feel like your partner’s behavior has changed gradually — getting more and more difficult or secretive in increments. This is usually how addictions begin: with things starting off more subtly, before spinning further out of control.

My Spouse Has A Gambling Problem

How does gambling affect relationships?

On a number of levels:

• The emotional impact. Very often, the partner of someone with a gambling addiction will feel betrayed upon finding out. There can often be a sense of feeling like they ‘aren’t enough’ to keep their partner happy. They might feel ashamed or even just simply hurt.
• Trust. This is one of the biggest factors. Most addictions involve some form of lying or concealment at one point. Many partners struggle to understand how their partner could have kept this from them, especially if it’s been going on for a long time. Trust can take a long time to rebuild after the revelation of an addiction like this.
• Financial. On a practical level, gambling addiction can decimate joint or family finances. It’s not uncommon for a problem gambler to dive into savings or take out multiple credit cards. This can leave the family with no other money for their basic needs, including household bills or mortgage payments. It also often means that peripheral things, such as holidays or new clothes for children, become unaffordable.
• Time. Something often forgotten about addictions is just how much time they take up. Gambling addiction can mean a person is away from their partner or family for long stretches of it — weakening their connection and making it that much harder to recover from the damage done.

What can you do?

The first thing to do if you think your partner is a problem gambler is to seek help.

GamCare has a helpline (0808 8020 133) that’s open seven days a week. They can provide you with advice on what your next steps could be. They can also help you think about whether your partner has a problem — you don’t need to be certain to give them a call. Their trained advisors can give both information and in the moment emotional support to help you feel calmer.

They’ve also got an equivalent online service called Netline, which allows you to exchange instant messages with an advisor, and online forums, where people who’ve been affected by problem gambling talk and support each other.

How we can help

If your relationship has been affected by your partner’s gambling, then we’d strongly recommend coming in for face-to-face counselling.

There may be a fair amount to unpack following something like this. This is not only in terms of the damage it may have done to your relationship or family, but in understanding and coming to terms with the circumstances that lead to the addiction in the first place. Often it takes going back to before the addiction even started to begin to understand why it happened.

Many partners blame themselves for the addiction – believing that if they’d been a better husband or wife, this never would have happened but things are rarely as simple as that. Sometimes figuring things out and getting them in perspective can be much easier if you’ve got a little help.